Sunday, February 28, 2010

Today is a gift

Sometimes we just want to rush things, especially when we know something good is about to happen.... "Vacation is coming in a few months, the semester will be over soon, graduation is almost here" and on and on and on.... these are all very exciting and can be life changing, it's hard not to want them to come RIGHT NOW... but wanting them to come now won't make it happen, no matter how many stars you wish upon. When I have something exciting coming up, I try to keep my mind busy so as not to become overly anxious about it. It's not easy trying to stop thinking of my vacation coming up in a few months, but I have more important things to think about right now, like college and my job.... I try to take things one day at a time, and not think of what the future might have in store for me, because I cannot predict or change the future, so why worry so much about it? What's important is right now, and in order to guarantee a good future, I need to make sure I'm doing things right today.... As "Master Oogway" said in Kung Fu Panda....
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present."

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Matab Brahimi

I couldn't help thinking today about my friends... when i was in high school i had a whole group of friends that i hung out with in school, on the weekends, and spoke endlessly on the phone with. Over the years I began to drift away from all of them. Now, when I think of it, I don't have a 'group of friends,' in fact i have a very small number of them. Sometimes it feels so irritating, to want to go out with some friends and not have many that can hang out.... But I do have a best friend.... she lives in New Jersey and I in New York so it's not so easy to hang out all the time... we talk everyday but its different than actually spending time together... so sometimes i want to reconnect with people and recreate my large group of friends.... but then i got to thinking.... I've known my best friend since the day i was born and she's like a sister to me... i mean really, she's regarded as a family member by everyone in my house..... she's the only one i can tell anything to and still have the greatest time talking about movies and books and guys and life and everything you can think of... thats when i realized... I'd rather just have her as my best friend than have a thousands friends i don't really connect with or enjoy their company..... My best friend is the best person i can ever hope to meet and i'd gladly give up many things for a friend like her! :-)

Subways

8:23 pm
Ran down the subway steps... phew! the train didn't come yet..... ooo there is it...."aah oo excuse me," pushing, moving, squeezing, yes... yes... there, made it..... smells like a fish tank in here.... must be the rain.... God, I can't breath.... three stops... I can make it, i'll just breath with my mouth open.... why do people have to stand so close? aww how cute, a young couple... now go cozy up somewhere private and make room for people to stand comfortably.... first stop 59th street.... owww!! watch where you're bag hits.. sheesh! great! more people coming on.... maybe if i just... stand... over... here.... ya that's better, a little more room..... ok two more stops in this shit hole.... Oh no.... big... woman... please stand over.... ok then, just stand right here.... very close to me...... Almost there.... keep breathing..... 51st street... one more to go.... Oh come on! those are my new boots.... not even a sorry, how rude! More smells... not pleasant at all! Ok... hang on.... almost.... almost..... yes! 42nd street... Thank God.... Run off as soon as they open.... "aahh excuse, excuse me please" more pushing and squeezing.... there! phew! i'm out!!! eww smells like trash... now time to take my next train......

At Peace

It's raining here today... everything feels so quiet and peaceful early in the morning. It's in these rare moments, when I get up before everyone, and just sit and stare out the window, that I feel the utmost of relaxation. You can feel the rain even when indoors, and all at once the world is a quiet and humble place. Mornings like these come rarely, and when they do, I try to savor every moment of them. It's only me and the peaceful world, and it's the most relaxing time I ever get to myself........

Monday, February 22, 2010

Why I love Austen....

"You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant."
-Jane Austen, Persuasion, Ch. 23
Captain Wentworth's letter to Anne

People sometimes ask what I love about Persuasion... I think that explains most of it (of course there are plenty other reasons)....aahhh I think I'm melting.......

What I do

I've been thinking about what I do, and what I'm planning to become.... I went to work today, after almost no sleep all night, and was not up to dealing with tantrums and behaviors and chaos and noise and.... need I go on? Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my job. I work with children with autism and I love the fact that I can go home knowing I helped someone in need and will hopefully improve their development. There is nothing more fulfilling than a job like that.... but sometimes you're just too tired. When I have days like these I try not to think of my future plan of getting certified as a special education teacher... because if I did, I would change my mind on the spot. I am not planning on making it my career, what I mean by that is I'm studying to become an English teacher (something I am very passionate about) but I do not want to give up the chance of teaching children in need. When you're good at something and you know you're helping people, it's not easy to give that up... even if it is straining. I try to think of the good days I have, and since they outweigh the bad, I'm sure I'm doing the right thing. For now I can only continue to help out and get the best out of my experience.... As long as I know I'm doing the right thing, I'll be fine for the time being. I love my job and I love what I do, but sometimes I just need a push to keep going....

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Persuasion

So I've just finished watching PBS's adaptation of "Persuasion" and have mixed feelings about it. I cannot deny the pleasure in watching Captain Wentworth's character on the screen ;-) which was quite enjoyable. Wentworth and Anne's love is one I have always admired, after 8 years apart, they are still very much in love. It is very sweet and you can feel the pain and agony they each suffer when they are apart. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love the fact that you can feel their pain and also feel the relief when they are finally reunited in the end.

What I really did not like about this adaptation are many things. I started the film hoping it would be great, but toward the end I was pretty disappointed. First of all, there were a few things that were taken out and altered. The scene that I was especially upset about was the way Anne receives the letter, it is as though they wanted to throw everything into the last five minutes of the movie... Ms. Smith happens to walk into Anne while she is running desperately looking for Wentworth (very unconvincing) and she tells Anne about Mr. Elliot's 'true character' in about thirty seconds, Anne thanks her and continues to run through Bath looking for Wentworth, she then arrives at his house, receives the letter, reads it, and continues to run through Bath, finds Wentworth's sister and her husband, runs back, is panting uncontrollably until she is finally face to face with her hero.......

Now I don't know what you're thinking... but I found this considerably unconvincing. It is as though the director had only 5 minutes left to conjure up the ending and decided to throw all the important things at the very end. It was rushed, but not only that, the scene in which Anne receives the letter is the most meaningful and important.... and she reads it while running in the streets!!! Talk about killing a beautiful and emotional scene (sigh) And why would Anne run through Bath like that??? (another great sigh)

Other than that, the movie was pretty good. I guess if there was at least twenty or more minutes in the film it would've turned out better.... but in my experience, PBS tends to cut the endings of Austen films, which I find vastly disappointing.....

Day one

This is a place for me to begin writing, clear my mind, and hopefully entertain whoever happens to wonder into my blog.... I need a place to write, even if its going to be short blurbs here and there. I'm excited and I hope this blog will force me to write.... something i've been putting off for way too long. Bare with me.... if bore you with my tedious reports of whatever comes to mind, i will pull something entertaining and compelling from my 'lively' brain..... I must thank Miss Austen for the title of my blog, which of course comes from her wonderful novel Emma....